Spells Inspired by Oglaf

Oglaf Spells

Oglaf is an awesome web comic. Read it. (Beware of boobs, however. It can be a little bit NSFW.) It IS hilarious every time, though; also confusing, bewildering and inspiring. The latest offering has spawned some spell ideas and I wanted to make sure credit was given where credit is due.

So, read Oglaf... be inspired by weirdness!

Bascinet. Another Oglaf awesomeness.

Infant Gestalt

Level: 3

Duration: Caster level + 6 Turns*

Range: 30’

For a brief period of time, the target is reduced to a number of smaller, younger selves. These younger selves can perform multiple tasks or work together to perform a single task. The Infant Gestalt has a splintered persona and each infant will characterise a different aspect of the target.

The number of infants in the gestalt is equal to the targets hit points. Each infant has one hit point and can deal a maximum of 1 damage. Strength is reduced to 3, other stats/scores are as they were.

* If the Infant Gestalt spell is cast as a curse under a new moon, the effect is permanent. If cast as a boon, the spell acts as normal.

Summon Faceless Knight

Level: 2

Duration: Special*

The Faceless Knight can be called through smoke or shadow, arriving fully armed and armoured with the visor of his helm shut. The Faceless Knight can not tell lies. The Faceless Knight will serve faithfully for a number of turns equal to the caster's level, but desperately hates the caster for bringing him to this plane. The caster can attempt to press the knight for an extended service; should the contest of wills fail, the Faceless Knight will attempt to kill the caster before escaping to its home plane. If the contest ends in favour of the caster, the Faceless Knight will remain in service for a number of days equal to caster level.

The Faceless Knight

Alignment: Lawful Murderous

Armour Class: 2 (descending)

Hit Dice: 5

Save: F5

Morale: 12

The Faceless Knight is immune to normal weapons, but suffers a weakness to wood (Wooden weapons deal +1 damage per die; Yew is especially dangerous, dealing double damage). The Faceless Knight bristles with +1 weaponry: longsword, axe, flail, crossbow, daggers. His tarnished plate mail radiates shadow and obscures everything in 5'. When the Faceless Knight raises his visor, he can loose a terrible death shriek (30' radius, 1d6 damage, save vs death: stunned 1d4 rounds).
When the knight is defeated, his corpse and gear melt into shadow and smoke.

Oglaf answers the important questions, too.

Call Giant Eagles
Level: 3
Duration: Special
Range: 100 miles
Passing a message to any small winged creature, you can call for aid from the Giant Eagles. The birds do not simply arrive, either. They can only make their appearance when things are most dire or the timing most dramatic. Giant Eagles are "proud, majestic creatures. You can not control them, merely beg their assistance. They will perform one task, winging as far away as 100 miles.