A to Z of Alliterative Alchemy, Part 2: F through K

A to Z of Alliterative Alchemy, Part the Second

The eccentric professor of alchemy, Arkhom Zayta, compiled a number of his student’s greatest works into a single tome, essentially stealing their hard work. And while his body and will were never found, the tome was recently recovered and restored. This is a sampling of the entries found within.

Fade Foilyk’s Foci for Fantastic Final Fatalities

These black crystals are enchanted by wizards that know the end is nigh.

• Reagents: Black lava salt, drop of human blood, pure water
• Catalyst: Whispers of the Dead
• Effects: Cast any spell upon the crystal and place the salty, black stone in your mouth in place of a tooth. When you expire, clench down upon the crystal to give your enemies a last breath of comeuppance.
• Side Effects: Your demeanour grows somewhat erratic and you are prone to extreme mood swings. You are also more death-prone while keeping such an ill-fated item in your mouth (-1 to instant death saving throws). Premature castings are uncommon, but not unheard of... the final fantastic fatal fireball of Fade Foilyk is one such case.

Grommet Ginkoll's Gassy Grim Gorgon Ginger Ale

This pleasant fizzy beverage provides a modicum of resistance to petrification and paralysis.

• Reagents: A ginger ale, grimly gristed gorgon eyes (or basilisk, in a pinch)
• Catalyst: Ginger Bug (a rare insect)
• Effects: Gain a major bonus to all saves vs petrification and paralysis for 1 hour.
• Side Effects: Gassy and sweet smelling. You attract wandering monsters with loud belches and the strong scent of your breath.

Holly Helfer’s Holy Haggis of Hallowed Harmonious Healing

When shared among friends, the haggis creates a bond of healing and trust. Any healing that one gives to another is amplified with this bond.

• Reagents: haggis
• Catalyst: The haggis is not enchanted. The sheep that is used in the preparation of the haggis is massaged with holy oils and blessed each day for a fortnight. It grazes on cloister grasses and drinks from a blessed fountain.
• Effects: Any time a group shares a haggis, they are heal-bonded. Whenever a healing effect is cast between two or more heal-bonded targets, the healing effect is increased by one die type and gains an additional +1/die. A spell healing 1d8+1 becomes 1d10+2. Any healing potion or medicinal ministrations performed by one member of a heal-bond upon another gains the same advantage. If an effect has no dice of healing, increase the effect by 2.
• Side Effects: Holy Haggises are lawful and will have dire effects if shared with someone of a diametrically opposed faith or alignment.

Inigo Inerro's Incredible Incense of Invulnerability

Placed in a brazier and set to smouldering, this incense will endow any who engulf their body in its smoke with temporary imperviousness to harm by all manner of non-magical weaponry.

• Reagents: spikenard, elemi, bay laurel
• Catalyst: ironwood powder,  
• Effects: You suffer no harm from non-magical weapons. This effect lasts 6 hours.
• Side Effects: As with Achilles, no one is completely immune to harm. Roll a d6 and add this number to your armour class. This is your magic number; the number required to pierce the magical protection that surrounds you. You will only suffer damage if this number is rolled, any number above or below fails to deal damage. (Optional side effect: this magic number damage is always critical.)

Jacynthe Jelly of the Jackalope

The Jackalope was a strangely shaped wizard from an unnamed land. He was known for his beautiful scent, prodigious horns and incredible leaping.  

• Reagents: jacynthe petals, moondew, honey
• Catalyst: a cricket
• Effects: The jelly, when spread on the soles of boots or bottoms of feet, has the same effect as a pair of boots of striding and springing for 1 hour. You also have a strong floral scent that is pleasant and alluring (+1 to social rolls).
• Side Effects: Repeated uses of the jelly can cause deer horns to grow from the forehead.

Keg's Kettle of Kobold Kryptonite

As a Dwarven Cleric of Moradin and master brewer, Keg Ironstein has brought much joy to the many people he has crossed paths with. Except kobolds. Keg keeps a cold closed-off compartment in his crusty old keg-shaped heart for kobolds.

• Reagents: lilac wine, rose petals, beetleberries
• Catalyst: a drop of vinegar
• Effects: When drunk, the alcohol has a strange but please aftertaste. When drunk by Kobolds, it is a potent toxin causing paralysis and in some cases death. If evaporated in large quantities, it can be used to "smoke out" Kobold caves.
• Side Effects: Apparently, this beverage has an aroma not unlike dragon pheromones. Use with caution.
  

A to Z of Alliterative Alchemy, Part 1: A through E

A to Z of Alliterative Alchemy, Part the First

The eccentric professor of alchemy, Arkhom Zayta, compiled a number of his student’s greatest works into a single tome, essentially stealing their hard work. And while his body and will were never found, the tome was recently recovered and restored. This is a sampling of the entries found within.

Aian Aram’s Alabaster Admixture of Armadillo Ablation

Administering the Admixture of Armadillo Ablation is an amazing answer to avoiding abuse amidst aggressive assaults. The admixture is smeared all over the body and then heavy leather plates of the alabaster armadillo begin to grow up from under the skin, providing amazing protection against enemy blades.

• Reagents: armadillo shell and claw (alabaster is preferred, but pink is acceptable), liquid silver
• Catalyst: spittle of the target user.
• Effects: Rubbing the admixture into the flesh has several effects. The user gains a random bonus to AC and half that bonus as damage reduction (rolled or determined by DM, +2 AC equals 1 point of damage reduction) for 1 hour. Also grows claws that deal 1d4 damage and a confer a burrowing speed of 5 feet (or 5’ per point of Strength modifier).
• Side Effects: Target’s skin is magically sheared off as plates of hard, leathery shell emerge. This requires a saving throw to avoid losing consciousness due to EXTREME PAIN (out for 1d20 - Constitution minutes)! After one hour, the leathery plates and digging claws drop away painlessly and begin to dissolve into a brackish mess. The freshly revealed skin underneath is raw, pink and ultra-sensitive. Excessive use has led to change in dietary habits, turning to insectivores.

Bilious Brognark’s Bitterbrew of Bombastic Belching

Being a brash buck, Bilious Brognark botched his “better” bottled batch of best bitter into a bombastic belcher's brew. This beer has several interesting side effects that can be detrimental/beneficial to the drinker: loud bursts of thunderous burping, extreme gastric distress and incidental levitation.

• Reagents: bat’s wing, boiled destrachan gizzard. Brewed in a bitter beer for two weeks.
• Catalyst: A pinch of ground Yrthak horn added before bottling.
• Effects: The drinker can push 1 enemy 15 feet as a bonus action every round (lasts 1 hour). This push causes 1d4 thunder damage (or sonic, if you prefer) and creates a sound that can be heard up to 300 feet away.
• Side Effects: Extreme gastric distress and bouts of bouyancy. If the drinker does not use this ability on their turn, they begin to fill with bombastic gases. For each round they "hold it in", additional effects occur. Round 1: discomfort. Round 2: visible gastric expansion. Round 3: LIFT OFF! (As a spell of Levitation), 1 damage. Round 4: Higher! Higher! 1d2 damage. Round 5: Boom! Save versus explosive death. 1d10 damage on save. If killed, the thunderously exploding body showers all within 25' for 1d4 damage/hit dice of the creature and produces a booming shock wave that knocks prone all within range (no save) and echoes loudly for 2 miles. Belching reduces condition by one level and can be used to steer levitation with a successful Intelligence check.

Cassowary Candide’s Cakes of Cacophonous Corruption

Consuming Cassowary Candide’s Cakes of Cacophonous Corruption causes the creature to cough cascades of calamitous cadence. Cassowary Candide was a bard of some skill until her voice was smote from her by a humourless paladin. Nowadays, she makes hateful pastries and sweets with her witchcraft.

• Reagents: Bleak Cake (flour, eggs, butter, buttermilk, vanilla, black fairy wings) and Screech Frosting (honey, butter, dried shrieker)
• Effects: the eater can screech necrotic soundwaves as a bonus action for 1 minute. Range 15 feet. Single target. Deals 1d8 necrotic damage, DC 15 Constitution save (or breath weapon)
• Side Effects: The player must also speak at *all times* in a strange voice. Failure do so means, that the corruption has tainted your uvula. All social rolls for 1 day are at disadvantage due to the horrid stench emitted when you talk.

Delicious!

Daria Dirkendrake’s Dreaded Deadly Dreaming Duo-Draught

A dram of this deadly dream-draught will draw despicable death and devastation to denizens of desolate dreamscapes.  

Undeniably the weapon of choice within the Society of Somanautic Slayers, a guild of dream assassins. With this draught, a strong-willed or charismatic killer can enter the dreams of another and while there inflict grievous and even fatal wounds on them. The victim is filled with dread as they arrive in an unfamiliar and terrifying dreamscape. The attack will begin pursuit, which the dreamer can not escape and eventually the victim is overcome and usually killed.

• Reagents: keif, nightshade, prismatic lotus root, a hair of the intended victim and a tear of the assassin.
• Catalyst: both dreamers must drink the same draught and fall into a natural sleep.
• Effects: the assassin enters the dream of their victim, and attacks them as normal. However, all attacks deal charisma damage and are modified by wisdom or charisma (not strength or dexterity). When the victim drops to zero Charisma, the fall into a permanent vegetative state. At this point, the assassin can choose any one of these permanent impairments to inflict upon the victim: blindness, mute, deafness, reduce any one ability score to 5 permanently or  (usually) death. To prevent the victim from waking during an attempt, the assassin must restrain their persona. A contest of will (Wisdom) or personalities (Charisma) will determine whether the victim can escape their assailant (attacker uses higher score, victim uses lower).
• Side Effects: Nightmares. For 3 days, you suffer horrid rest-interrupting nightmares. During this time, there is a 5% chance of being attacked in your dreams by the shade of your victim.

The Edumancer’s Elixir of Exceptionally Extraordinary Excellence

Efforts to evince effective educational exploration are easily earned with the Edumancer’s Elixir of Exceptionally Extraordinary Excellence. A burst of inspiration and a dash of luck go into every elixir. The imbiber finds his attempts to acquire information wildly successful.

• Reagents: juice of a forbidden fruit, feather and scale from a couatl tail.
• Catalyst: tears of a tutor.
• Effect: All lore checks gain a bonus. Any research work or library hunting will garner good leads and excellent results.
• Side Effects: distraction by deep thoughts will make the drinker of the elixir mostly useless in most other situations. Massive penalties in combat and social situations. After use, the user will suffer terrible withdrawal headaches and possibly addiction.