A to Z of Alliterative Alchemy, Part 1: A through E

A to Z of Alliterative Alchemy, Part the First

The eccentric professor of alchemy, Arkhom Zayta, compiled a number of his student’s greatest works into a single tome, essentially stealing their hard work. And while his body and will were never found, the tome was recently recovered and restored. This is a sampling of the entries found within.

Aian Aram’s Alabaster Admixture of Armadillo Ablation

Administering the Admixture of Armadillo Ablation is an amazing answer to avoiding abuse amidst aggressive assaults. The admixture is smeared all over the body and then heavy leather plates of the alabaster armadillo begin to grow up from under the skin, providing amazing protection against enemy blades.

• Reagents: armadillo shell and claw (alabaster is preferred, but pink is acceptable), liquid silver
• Catalyst: spittle of the target user.
• Effects: Rubbing the admixture into the flesh has several effects. The user gains a random bonus to AC and half that bonus as damage reduction (rolled or determined by DM, +2 AC equals 1 point of damage reduction) for 1 hour. Also grows claws that deal 1d4 damage and a confer a burrowing speed of 5 feet (or 5’ per point of Strength modifier).
• Side Effects: Target’s skin is magically sheared off as plates of hard, leathery shell emerge. This requires a saving throw to avoid losing consciousness due to EXTREME PAIN (out for 1d20 - Constitution minutes)! After one hour, the leathery plates and digging claws drop away painlessly and begin to dissolve into a brackish mess. The freshly revealed skin underneath is raw, pink and ultra-sensitive. Excessive use has led to change in dietary habits, turning to insectivores.

Bilious Brognark’s Bitterbrew of Bombastic Belching

Being a brash buck, Bilious Brognark botched his “better” bottled batch of best bitter into a bombastic belcher's brew. This beer has several interesting side effects that can be detrimental/beneficial to the drinker: loud bursts of thunderous burping, extreme gastric distress and incidental levitation.

• Reagents: bat’s wing, boiled destrachan gizzard. Brewed in a bitter beer for two weeks.
• Catalyst: A pinch of ground Yrthak horn added before bottling.
• Effects: The drinker can push 1 enemy 15 feet as a bonus action every round (lasts 1 hour). This push causes 1d4 thunder damage (or sonic, if you prefer) and creates a sound that can be heard up to 300 feet away.
• Side Effects: Extreme gastric distress and bouts of bouyancy. If the drinker does not use this ability on their turn, they begin to fill with bombastic gases. For each round they "hold it in", additional effects occur. Round 1: discomfort. Round 2: visible gastric expansion. Round 3: LIFT OFF! (As a spell of Levitation), 1 damage. Round 4: Higher! Higher! 1d2 damage. Round 5: Boom! Save versus explosive death. 1d10 damage on save. If killed, the thunderously exploding body showers all within 25' for 1d4 damage/hit dice of the creature and produces a booming shock wave that knocks prone all within range (no save) and echoes loudly for 2 miles. Belching reduces condition by one level and can be used to steer levitation with a successful Intelligence check.

Cassowary Candide’s Cakes of Cacophonous Corruption

Consuming Cassowary Candide’s Cakes of Cacophonous Corruption causes the creature to cough cascades of calamitous cadence. Cassowary Candide was a bard of some skill until her voice was smote from her by a humourless paladin. Nowadays, she makes hateful pastries and sweets with her witchcraft.

• Reagents: Bleak Cake (flour, eggs, butter, buttermilk, vanilla, black fairy wings) and Screech Frosting (honey, butter, dried shrieker)
• Effects: the eater can screech necrotic soundwaves as a bonus action for 1 minute. Range 15 feet. Single target. Deals 1d8 necrotic damage, DC 15 Constitution save (or breath weapon)
• Side Effects: The player must also speak at *all times* in a strange voice. Failure do so means, that the corruption has tainted your uvula. All social rolls for 1 day are at disadvantage due to the horrid stench emitted when you talk.

Delicious!

Daria Dirkendrake’s Dreaded Deadly Dreaming Duo-Draught

A dram of this deadly dream-draught will draw despicable death and devastation to denizens of desolate dreamscapes.  

Undeniably the weapon of choice within the Society of Somanautic Slayers, a guild of dream assassins. With this draught, a strong-willed or charismatic killer can enter the dreams of another and while there inflict grievous and even fatal wounds on them. The victim is filled with dread as they arrive in an unfamiliar and terrifying dreamscape. The attack will begin pursuit, which the dreamer can not escape and eventually the victim is overcome and usually killed.

• Reagents: keif, nightshade, prismatic lotus root, a hair of the intended victim and a tear of the assassin.
• Catalyst: both dreamers must drink the same draught and fall into a natural sleep.
• Effects: the assassin enters the dream of their victim, and attacks them as normal. However, all attacks deal charisma damage and are modified by wisdom or charisma (not strength or dexterity). When the victim drops to zero Charisma, the fall into a permanent vegetative state. At this point, the assassin can choose any one of these permanent impairments to inflict upon the victim: blindness, mute, deafness, reduce any one ability score to 5 permanently or  (usually) death. To prevent the victim from waking during an attempt, the assassin must restrain their persona. A contest of will (Wisdom) or personalities (Charisma) will determine whether the victim can escape their assailant (attacker uses higher score, victim uses lower).
• Side Effects: Nightmares. For 3 days, you suffer horrid rest-interrupting nightmares. During this time, there is a 5% chance of being attacked in your dreams by the shade of your victim.

The Edumancer’s Elixir of Exceptionally Extraordinary Excellence

Efforts to evince effective educational exploration are easily earned with the Edumancer’s Elixir of Exceptionally Extraordinary Excellence. A burst of inspiration and a dash of luck go into every elixir. The imbiber finds his attempts to acquire information wildly successful.

• Reagents: juice of a forbidden fruit, feather and scale from a couatl tail.
• Catalyst: tears of a tutor.
• Effect: All lore checks gain a bonus. Any research work or library hunting will garner good leads and excellent results.
• Side Effects: distraction by deep thoughts will make the drinker of the elixir mostly useless in most other situations. Massive penalties in combat and social situations. After use, the user will suffer terrible withdrawal headaches and possibly addiction.